I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
