i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize