As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
