this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
