By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
