i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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