I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers