Why are handjobs necessary in class?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
