I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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