bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sobbing to NWA
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?