Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??

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  (812): Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days?? http://tfl.nu/olry
  Replies (35) Good night (1601) Bad night (3905)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (1298) Bad night (7993)
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  (310): View more from California

  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
  Replies (28) Good night (1237) Bad night (7229)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs

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  (443): also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs http://tfl.nu/bzfk
  Replies (3) Good night (2372) Bad night (994)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

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  (770): his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me.... http://tfl.nu/rsl7
  Replies (32) Good night (1618) Bad night (3360)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS

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  (416): DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS http://tfl.nu/59kb
  Replies (8) Good night (2225) Bad night (986)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.

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  (717): I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ow9j
  Replies (3) Good night (1315) Bad night (686)
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  (323): View more from California

  well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.

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  (323): well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men. http://tfl.nu/1jv8
  Replies (25) Good night (2077) Bad night (1334)
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  (408): View more from California

  My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.

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  (408): My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now. http://tfl.nu/tbbh
  Replies (5) Good night (1441) Bad night (630)
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  (916): View more from California

  Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless

  (209): View more from California

  Sacramento doesn't deserve you

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  (916): Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless (209): Sacramento doesn't deserve you http://tfl.nu/wsxj
  Replies (5) Good night (850) Bad night (381)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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  (785): That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA. http://tfl.nu/53zt
  Replies (4) Good night (1500) Bad night (495)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.

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  (412): the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then. http://tfl.nu/3z0k
  Replies (7) Good night (898) Bad night (450)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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  (717): Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much. http://tfl.nu/y3yp
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (423)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I'm fucked.

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  (202): Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina". (202): I'm fucked. http://tfl.nu/ddzu
  Replies (6) Good night (356) Bad night (824)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.

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  (848): Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me. http://tfl.nu/oekv
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (191)

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