I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
