his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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