i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
