is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
