oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
