Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Of course I have a pirate flag
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Go christen that room with your naked body.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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