3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
