Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
