Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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