I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
