My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
