Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
