So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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