I think I died a long time ago.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
