Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
