I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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