if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
