There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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