woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
