Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
