I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
