You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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