marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Even my vagina gasped.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
