She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
