just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
