I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
