New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
