im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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