I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
