Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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