Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
