A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
