Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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