just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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