eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
