everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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