So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's shark week go big or go home
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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