At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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