I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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