remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
