Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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