I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize