I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
