I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
try to milk me bitch
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