gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
