Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
