A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
