Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
