im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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