dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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