his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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