is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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