I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
