Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
