Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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