jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
