i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
