Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
