my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
