she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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