If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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