Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
